


Picking Up The Pieces

by Danruu



Category: Dragon Age
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-10-31
Updated: 2011-11-08
Packaged: 2017-10-25 14:17:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/271215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danruu/pseuds/Danruu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Sequel to "Last Rites", several years after the death of Anders, Sebastian returns to Kirkwall to find it a changed place. M/M, creepy Hawke!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Picking Up The Pieces

Three years had passed since Anders. Three long years learning to rule a kingdom he still felt wasn't truly his. Sebastian took his own advice, he allowed the kingdom to rule itself as the times were good, and remained devout in his faith.

Returning to Kirkwall was always the last thing he'd wanted to do, he had no desire to see Hawke again and although he missed the others he had not been in contact with any of them, but fate has a way of foiling even the best laid plans.

"The viscount wishes to see me? Why? Starkhaven and Kirkwall have had no dealings for years now. I wanted to keep it that way." Sebastian paced the floor of his study, his long-suffering steward and former tutor Charles sat opposite him with a letter from his former home.

"My lord, Starkhaven remains too vulnerable with only Ferelden as it's true ally. We need treaties, contracts, and while Kirkwall lacks resources for trade, it has a strong army of Templars."

"Starkhaven does not need more Templars, Charles" Sebastian fixed the other man with a piercing look, that even as a boy had always made the older man feel uncomfortable, now it was akin to being doused in cold water. Charles shifted in his seat.

He knew all about why Sebastian had returned to Starkhaven, it had taken some weeks but the young prince had finally told him everything that had happened during those last few weeks in Kirkwall. The Circle of Magi in Starkhaven had been radically changed since Sebastian's return, following in King Alistair's steps in Ferelden, but the rest of the Free Marches were yet to join them in these reforms.

"Thedas is on the brink of war Sebastian." He used a softer tone, reverting to use of the prince's name. "We need allies. The viscount is most looking forward to meeting with you, and there will be no need to stay longer than is nessecary or visit... unwelcome... places."

The chastising gaze of his former tutor and confidante made Sebastian relent, and he sighed before taking a seat at the desk, "I don't even know who the viscount is. I'd completely cut Kirkwall off... I suppose it was a foolish thing to do wasn't it?"

"I have seen worse Sebastian, do not fret." Charles chuckled. Ah the impetuance of youth. "I shall arrange your transport for the morning. Besides, you'll be so busy you won't get a chance to see the rest of the city. You should probably get some rest before the morrow!"

Sebastian laughed and rose again, this time to head towards his bed chamber. It was already dark and the two had been dealing with the petty requests from nobles all day. Charles had deliberately left the news about Kirkwall until last on the agenda, probably to prevent Sebastian being in a foul mood all day and being impossible to work with.

"Goodnight Charles. I trust you will be coming with me to Kirkwall?" It was a hopeful request, but Sebastian already knew the answer.

"Alas my Lord you know I cannot, I must deal with other matters that have come up today. I wish I could, I have not seen Kirkwall in 10 years, it would be interesting to see how it's changed."

"However it's changed, I'm sure it's not for the better old friend." WIth that, Sebastian left the room and headed to the privacy of his own chambers.  
He sat on his bed, and as he always did when he was agitated he began to twirl the little strip of leather he never took off. He was suprised it had lasted so long without breaking, though the leather was getting more and more worn with every day.

"Back to Kirkwall then..." He sighed to himself, although some would say he was talking to his own wristband. "I really do wonder what has become of everyone... I should probably check shouldn't I? Even if it's only to see Elthina. She never was satisfied with my reason for leaving after all."

His chest ached when he thought of Elthina and the Chantry, it had been his home for so many years and leaving it had been the hardest part of returning to Starkhaven. Combined with his grief, the homesickness was deblitating and it took him weeks before he could even function properly. It was then he was the most grateful for Charles, who'd given him the time and space he needed and provided the listening ear when he had finally needed to talk.

Sebastian stripped to his underclothes, relieved that the day was over but already feeling a wave of nervousness as he thought about where he would be going the following day. He would be returning to Kirkwall for the first time in three years. All the memories were already playing at the back of his mind.

He lay awake for a long time, and when he did finally drift off, for the first time in two years he dreamt of blond hair and brown eyes...


	2. Picking Up The Pieces 2

Sebastian could hardly believe he was travelling back to Kirkwall after all this time. He remembered the long journey well, having made it almost monthly as a child to visit various estates around High Town, then of course the last time he had traveled to the city was when he was heading for the Chantry. The coach ride to Ostwick had taken 3 days, then taking ship to Kirkwall which took another 2. A five day journey, with only a handful of attendants. Back when he was a child, his father the King had taken scores of people with them when he traveled with his family. How things had changed since then.

Sebastian was much older now, and had no interest in drinking or whoring like he had been in his youth. Charles often remarked with a smile that it seemed he was still living the Chantry life even now. He would still spend many hours in prayer, and lend himself to charitable events whenever he could escape the palace for long enough.

Romance was something else Sebastian had been ignoring since his return to Starkhaven. He was now in a position of great power, and many nobles were already steering their daughters his way. He was already growing tired of the doe eyes and simpering expressions. Although he knew that once he was crowned, something else he was avoiding, an heir would be the first thing he would have to address.

The boat suddenly shuddered, jarring Sebastian out of his thoughts. No doubt they were passing through the Gallows now, heading to the docks. As a child he would stand on deck and stare at the weeping ghoulish statues as they passed through, while Charles (a young scholar then, fresh from Ostwick) would tell him tales of the Tevinter Imperium.

Now the Gallows reminded him only of that great sorrow he still carried with him, and he had no desire to gaze upon them now. As he always did he twirled the leather band around his wrist while pushing thoughts of that last month in Kirkwall out of his mind. He needed to focus now, he was not here to reminisce.

He made sure the boat was pass the Gallows Pass before heading onto the deck, nodding to the crew who bowed awkwardly, not accustomed to having royalty on their ships. The voyage had been planned without much warning, but Sebastian was happy with the small room with few comforts of the palace. He had spent many years with much less than that.

The first step onto the docks flooded Sebastian with memories of his time with Hawke and all the others. He saw the door to the warehouse where they had freed Isabela from Castillion, the shady merchant who sold weapons was still lurking behind it, and he was pretty sure the mage underground still had their anonymous board posted up.

The docks were busy, and he was quickly ushered onto an open top coach for the short journey to the Viscounts Keep. He kept his head down on the way through Low Town, not wishing to see any familiar faces just yet. It was too soon, he wasn’t sure how he would deal with seeing Varric or Isabela just yet, the Hanged Man regulars. When he thought he caught a sight of Gamlen, Hawke’s grouching uncle, he almost dived to the floor, gaining a few looks from his attendants.

Sebastian was so consumed with his own thoughts that he hadn’t even realised the most obvious encounter he was to face, the city guard had accompanied him through Low Town, and now at the entrance of Viscounts Keep he came face-to-face with an old friend.

“Sebastian.” Aveline smiled when she saw him. “Or should I say your majesty? My lord? Welcome back to Kirkwall!” She did not bow, and he was suddenly full of warm emotion towards her and bit back the sudden compulsion to hug her. Aveline, he remembered, was NOT a huggy person.

“Aveline. It is good to see you. How have you been?”

“Good. Still Guard Captain, still married, and I had my first a year ago.” She smiled again, with more warmth now.

Aveline, a mother? Sebastian could barely believe it. “Congratulations!” He said, as they walked into through the great doors of the Keep. “How are you doing the balancing act?”

“It’s easy when you’re the boss, I write the rosters remember? Donnic stays home with Ben while I work and vice versa.” Aveline looked happy. Sebastian was happy for her; Aveline was one of the kindest people he knew. He felt a pang of guilt for being away for so long without so much as a letter to his old friends.

“What about the others?” Sebastian inquired gently.

Aveline turned to face him, her expression unreadable. “Sebastian... Do you not know anything about what’s happened since you left?”

Sebastian shook his head, “Nothing... I... didn’t keep in touch with anyone. Why?”

“Things are not the same here... You see-“

“Aveline! Thank you for showing our honoured guest here, you can go back to the Barracks now.” A voice interrupted them, and when Sebastian turned he couldn’t stop the gasp of surprise that left him.

Standing on the steps of the Keep, dressed in the black robes of the Viscount, was a man Sebastian knew only too well.

“Hawke?”

The other man smiled coldly, “Hello Sebastian. It’s been a while.”


	3. Picking Up The Pieces 3

Sebastian was reeling from the revelation about Kirkwall’s viscount. Hawke seemed far too relaxed than he, as they went through the motions of diplomacy between the two cities.

They were finally left alone for their evening meal, a fine spread of sweet meats and fresh produce that could probably feed the whole of Dark Town for a week. Sebastian had devoted a great deal of time in Starkhaven attempting to rid the city state of its poverty. As far as he’d seen, Hawke had done no such thing in Kirkwall.

“Hawke...” Sebastian began tentatively, staring across at the other man.

“Sebastian.” Hawke raised an eyebrow and seemed almost mocking in his tone.

“Why did you not say in your invitation that you had become viscount?” It was a simple enough question, and Sebastian was careful to keep the accusations out of his voice, but he was finding it difficult to separate this Hawke from the one he had fought with his last night in Kirkwall.

“Sebastian... I wanted to make sure you’d come. I know we did not part on the best terms those years ago, but we were good friends once.” He gave Sebastian a look. “I have missed you.”

There was no argument for that, and once again Sebastian felt a sharp stab of guilt. He had been so very selfish. Yes he and Hawke had their disagreement, but he had fled and left Hawke to pick up the pieces. Hawke had lost someone he loved, and there was no excuse now for how Sebastian had responded.

“I... I’m sorry Hawke...” He said quietly.

Hawke smiled. “Think no more of it. Things have changed now, we will move forward.” His eyes moved over Sebastian’s wrist, and the prince suppressed a shudder as Hawke saw the leather band, still there after all those years. There was a steely glint in his eyes, and Sebastian moved quickly to get away from any potentially awkward conversations that would come with it.

Sebastian raised his glass to Hawke. “To you then Hawke, and your esteemed position. You have yet to tell me the story of how you achieved it!”

“Then I shall tell you now! Do you remember Knight-Commander Meredith?”

As Hawke began to recount the tale of how he became viscount and vanquished the mad Knight-Commander, Sebastian tried to push other thoughts out of his mind. Despite his apology and supposed rekindled friendship with Hawke, he simply could not shake the feeling that something wasn’t quite right...

*

As night fell Sebastian left Hawke at his office (“Got some things I’ve got to take care of here.”) and was greeted by a small group of guards to escort him to the house in High Town he had been given as lodgings.

“Sebastian.” Aveline was among them, her face grave.

“Aveline. You don’t have to accompany me; I am more than familiar with High Town!” Sebastian rolled his eyes at the pomp and ceremony of it all.

“You haven’t been in the city for 3 years Sebastian. You will need a guard if you don’t wish to get killed.” She replied curtly, motioning for her guards to follow at a small distance to give them some privacy. “I was trying to tell you earlier. Things are not the same here.”

Sebastian frowned. “You never told me what had happened to the others. Hawke was too busy telling me of his epic battle with Meredith to tell me.”

“Isabela and Merrill have gone. After Anders... he started sleeping with Merrill, then Isabela too. Hawke has changed. He could always be rude, but now he’s malicious. When Merrill found out that he was being unfaithful she was heartbroken... Isabela was just angry. She finally found that ship she wanted, she took Merrill with her and no one’s seen them since.”

To say he was surprised was an understatement. “But Hawke... he loved Anders!”

Aveline raised an eyebrow. “Don’t even think about saying it was because he was grieving or anything like that. Maybe for the first month or so, but after a year you’ve got to get your act together or you’re just damaging the people who care about you.”

“But...” He started.

“No Sebastian.” She held up a plated hand. “I lost my husband to the Blight. I did not become a selfish prig because of it. Whatever this is, it’s more than grief.”

Sebastian nodded. “But... It just seems so out of character for him.”

“Perhaps it was always his character. Perhaps Anders was all that was holding that back. Or maybe we just never saw it because we were too busy focussing on that apostate who wouldn’t shut up about mage rights...” Aveline looked sad and regretful; she missed her friends it seemed.

Sebastian moved the conversation on. “What about Varric? And Fenris? What of them?”

“I haven’t seen Varric in months. He still lives at the Hanged Man, but he’s dived into his work with the Merchants Guild and no one see’s much of him now. He and Hawke don’t get along anymore.” There was probably a story behind that... Sebastian hoped he’d be able to see Varric to get it, it was clear Aveline was in no mood to tell it.

“And Fenris? Fenris seems to be the only one out of all of us who thinks that Hawke is still a super nice guy.” She sighed and shrugged. “Maybe it’s his warped sense of loyalty. All I know if it wasn’t for my guards and my family, I wouldn’t still be in Kirkwall. The place is a mess.”

Sebastian chewed his bottom lip. He KNEW something hadn’t felt right. “I’m starting to wonder why he’s invited me here in the first place.”

They’d reached the door of Sebastian’s temporary lodgings. It was one of the nicer Kirkwall houses, his attendants from Starkhaven already inside awaiting his return. They stood facing each other, and Sebastian saw the sadness etched on Aveline’s face that he hadn’t seen at first. She was tied to a city she wanted to leave, it couldn’t be easy.

“All I will say is this, be careful Sebastian. Things aren’t the same.” She put a hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze and he smiled at her.

“Thank you Aveline. I shall see you tomorrow?” He was hopeful. Aveline had been the best thing about returning so far.

“Hanged Man in the evening? It’s the only time I can spare. We might even catch Varric.”

“I’ll be there.” He waved his goodbyes as the red head turned and signalled to her guardsmen to head back to the Keep.

*

That night he found it difficult to sleep, he felt uneasy being in this borrowed house. He felt uneasy being back in Kirkwall in general, what Aveline had said about Hawke did not help. He wanted answers, yet he would not be able to confront Hawke without him knowing that Aveline had said something to him. He was not willing to risk Aveline’s job over this. Not yet.

Tomorrow he was free to do as he pleased until the evening, he had planned to visit the Chantry and see the Grand Cleric again. Now, at the reminder of his old friends, he wanted to see if he could see Fenris again.

The last time he had seen the white haired elf was when he’d threatened him at the tavern, just after Anders. He had regretted never apologising for what had happened, and now was better than never.

His exhaustion eventually caught up with him, and he fell asleep with his hand on the leather band that kept him grounded while everything else seemed to be up in the air, waiting to come crashing down.


	4. Picking Up The Pieces 4

When Sebastian woke the next day his neck and back ached from the bed that wasn’t his own. He hadn’t slept much, his guilt about many things kept him awake. What he had heard from Aveline had shocked him, scared him even. This new Hawke, he was someone to be wary of.

Sebastian was greeted by the servants he had brought from Starkhaven, a welcome sight amongst all the ill-feeling. He was given a fine breakfast before heading out, avoiding the questions about bodyguards. He carried a blade on him; he was certain that would be enough. He was not so different to the Sebastian of three years ago that he needed a chaperone just to walk the streets!

As Sebastian walked up the familiar stone steps to the Chantry, he couldn’t help but recall the last time he had been there.

*

“Sebastian this is madness. Why leave now when there is still so much the Maker can help you with?”  
“I cannot stay in the city that killed a good man just for being born your grace. I am sorry, but I have learnt much here, and I will use it to be the best ruler for Starkhaven.”  
“Sebastian...”  
“I’m sorry your grace. You cannot change my mind. I will always serve the Maker, but this is something I must do.”

*

The Chantry had not changed much in those three years. The red candles still burned brightly, the towering gold of Andraste overlooking the building with unseeing eyes. The familiar smell of the incense brought great comfort to the Prince as he savoured that feeling of being home after a long time.

“Sebastian?” A voice made him turn, and there was the Grand Cleric.

Sebastian was shocked by her appearance. She seemed so old, so frail now, compared to the woman he’d argued with so passionately when he had been serving as a Brother. His mind went back to Hawke, that cold smile. Was he responsible for this?

“Your grace!” He started to make a move of respect, but Elthina wrapped her arms around him in a motherly embrace.

“Welcome home Sebastian.”

They took seats in the backroom of the Chantry, to talk and catch up over some simple tea. Elthina seemed delighted at Sebastian’s new life, at how well things had been going in Starkhaven. She seemed very proud in way that warmed Sebastian’s heart, but also made him sad.

“Your grace... I often wrote requesting that you came to Starkhaven to be our Grand Cleric. You never responded.” He studied the woman’s face. It was drawn and haggard, dark circles under her eyes. She seemed so very small now, hunched in the wooden chair clutching a cup of tea.

“Oh Sebastian. Things in Kirkwall have not been easy since you have left. The people are as destitute and needy as ever, if not more than you saw. Kirkwall needs me more than Starkhaven ever could.” There was such sorrow behind her grey eyes. She wasn’t revealing everything, Sebastian was sure of it.

“The people here... they are desperate. They cry out for the Chantry to reason with the Viscount, but there is little we can do. The Chantry has always been a safe haven; it is not our place to meddle with politics of a city.”

Elthina’s logic was both commendable and infuriating, and Sebastian remembered a heated discussion he’d had with Anders once regarding her methods. Instinctively, his hand covered his wrist.

“But come Sebastian, I doubt you came here to listen to the troubles of a city that is not yours, I wish to hear more of Starkhaven. Have you married yet?” The Prince smiled at her unsubtle subject-change. He obliged her though, it was no longer his place to question the motives of the Kirkwall Chantry.

“No your grace, I must be honest though, I have not been looking.”

“Sebastian...” She chided him gently, in that familiar voice. “You cannot be tied to the past forever.”

His hand tightened its grip, feeling the outline of the thin leather against his fingers. “I have simply been too busy your grace... I’m sure soon enough I will look for a... companion.” She would not understand if he explained it to her, he was sure. Rather to leave her satisfied with his answers now. She was no longer his confidante, and she had burdens enough without his troubles.

They talked for a while longer, before Elthina had to prepare for the evening service. Sebastian promised to return to watch.   
As he left the Chantry, he looked out over Kirkwall with a gnawing sense of guilt. He had left this city behind without a moments regard for the people he was leaving behind. He wondered what things had happened, were happening.

With a heavy sigh, Sebastian descended the steps and was heading in the direction when a heavy shoulder collided with his in the crowded streets. As he turned to apologise, the owner of the shoulder was doing the same.

“Sebastian?” The voice that spoke was low and gravelly, an elf with white hair, dark skin and those green eyes that could show every expression. Sebastian knew him well, and it was like seeing a ghost.

“Fenris?”


End file.
